Why Leaders Should Stop Treating Leadership as a Burden
Why Leaders Should Stop Treating Leadership as a Burden
There is a subtle but important difference in ‘have to’ versus ‘get to.’
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In the middle of a leadership coaching session, the CEO of a fast-growing tech company had a huge breakthrough moment. He realized with profound clarity how strong he is in vision and strategy—and that he gets in the way when he dives into execution.
After a coaching session like that, I feel elated. Not because it was easy or glamorous, but because I’ve gotten to support a leader who courageously recognized his strengths and shortcomings and chose to be a better leader. Gratitude fills me up, and I think to myself, “I get to do this work. I get to do this — not have to but get to.”
The older I get, the more convinced I am that this feeling isn’t a luxury. It’s a signal. Everyone gets to design their leadership and lives to offer them more moments like this. The truth is, this kind of quiet delight is available far more often when people stop treating meaningful work like a burden.
“I get to”: The inner shift that transforms your leadership
In leadership coaching, I hear the phrase “have to” constantly: “I have to deal with this tense situation,” or “I have to make a hard call,” or “I have to manage big egos.”
Leadership does come with responsibility, but when “have to” becomes your leadership default, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Something happens inside that makes you smaller.
Imagine shifting and broadening your vision. Understand that you get to lead. You get to decide how power is used. You get to build a culture worth inheriting.
The ABCs in action
The Amare Way ABCs are a useful leadership framework. This “get to” shift shows up first as authenticity. You notice your own mindset and catch when obligation has turned into resentment or control. Next, you recalibrate. Teams experience self-awareness as steadiness, honesty, and emotional consistency.
It shows up next as belonging. When you operate from “get to,” people don’t feel managed. They feel seen. Psychological safety increases. Speaking up becomes normal rather than risky, and it shows up finally as collaboration.
Pressure doesn’t disappear, but becomes more naturally shared. Information flows earlier. Problems get solved faster because no one is wasting energy protecting themselves.
What the “get to” shift looks like in real leaders
Indra Nooyi at PepsiCo recognized that leadership meant getting to shape human lives, not just quarterly results. That created purpose-led decisions and reinforced dignity, trust, and long-term thinking across the organization.
At University Hospitals Health System (and Johns Hopkins Medicine prior), Peter Pronovost helped health care leaders see that they get to steward safer systems. That shift—from personal burden to collective responsibility—moved teams from silence to speaking up and measurably improved patient outcomes.
At Ford Motor Company, Alan Mulally reframed leadership as getting to do great work together. He replaced fear with love, enabling shared ownership, stronger collaboration, and faster problem-solving across teams.
Reflection questions
·Where has “have to” quietly replaced “get to” in how you experience leadership?
·How does your internal perspective shape what your team feels safe enough to say or do?
·Which of the ABCs — authenticity, belonging, or collaboration — most needs your attention right now?
3 “get to” steps
·Shift your language in real time. When you catch yourself saying “I have to,” pause and restate it as “I get to,” and then proceed from that frame.
·Enter as a steward. Before meetings or decisions, remind yourself that you get to be responsible for the culture you create, not just the outcome you achieve.
·Protect what sustains you. Schedule non-negotiable time that restores clarity and perspective so you can lead from choice, not depletion.
Team talk
In your next team meeting, ask: “Where does this work feel like a burden and where does it feel like a privilege?” Let people speak honestly. The conversation alone models a “get to” attitude.
Your inspirational challenge
You’re in the role you’re in because people trust you with responsibility. Not everyone gets that. Fewer earn it. Even fewer use it well. Leadership has a way of slowly turning choice into obligation if you’re not paying attention. The meetings keep coming. The pressure is relentless.
Somewhere along the way, “I chose this” turns into “I have to deal with this.” That’s the moment worth noticing. You weren’t drafted or trapped. You’re here because you decided this work matters, and it still does.
You get to shape an organization that impacts the world and determine what your people experience in their work. Also, you get to decide what gets modeled, tolerated, and rewarded.
That may not make leadership easier for you. However, it will make it more meaningful, and having meaning steadies everything else for everyone.
Your Sales Team’s Challenge
Is your sales team reflecting a “have to” attitude with your customers?If you don’t know we can help you uncover the facts AND give you tips on how to change your team’s service culture.
Give us a call, we look forward to serving you.
EXPERT OPINION BY MOSHE ENGELBERGAND CARL PHILLIPS
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